Monday, August 4, 2008

I love Mondays


Did she actually say that? Yes. Yes i did!! I absolutely love coming to work and starting off my week. The owner of MDS Architect has moved me to JM2 Investment Properties to help start out this new company that has quite honestly - just taken off. As you know I love Real Estate so this is a wonderful plus for me! Have you seen flip this house on TLC? Thats what I get to do.. including picking out fixtures for the houses we buy!! I love my job!!!! How often can people really say that? I know I am bragging.. but I feel so blessed!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

My Apologies


Like a snail I hide in my shell when the world becomes too much. I have noticed that more often then not, when wounded, in my shell is where you will find me. I hide from those that remind me of what exactly I am avoiding. I then become guilty I am hiding and then beat myself up about it. I’m coming clean from this flaw and going to try to make an effort to release myself from the guilt (spoken like a true psychologist eh?)

What am I hiding from and why? Seeing my brother in pictures with his little girl make me sad because they remind my of my father and I. Seeing how wonderful my uncle is with his two kids hurt me in a way I was unable to recognize or afraid to. Seeing my mother reminds me that my father is missing. It’s ridiculous, but I realized it is what I avoid because some days the pain of what I wont have, don’t have, and will never have is better left unfelt. I apologize to those who I love and distance myself from.

I didn’t realize I was doing it until I saw a picture of my brother holding his daughter on his lap and I remembered a very similar picture of years long ago. For a moment I hated everything that picture captured and then a wave of guilt flooded down my cheeks like a much-needed release. I knew in an instant what I had been doing. I’m not busy (an excuse I often use) I am afraid. Scared of seeing love given freely and unconditionally between father and child … because then this wounded child will see what she is missing.
Coward no more. I am sorry and I love you all!