Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Birthday Letter

Every year on my Birthday I write a little letter to myself. These letters are mostly scattered in boxes and boxes of filled journals in my garage. It always gives me a chuckle to think of those I love coming across a treasure chest of my scrabbled thoughts after I am no longer a body on this earth. Perhaps a bit strange , but it is a comfort to know my secret thoughts one day will be aired out between those I knew and cherished. The best way to know ‘me’ is through the words I scribble and the best way for me to find all the answers I seek is to stare at these ink filled creations and find out new things about the puzzle which is "me". Words are my greatest teacher. This year, I decided to do something new. I am publishing my Birthday letter to myself on my blog.

Dear Crazy Girl,

In two days you will be twenty nine years old and I am beaming. I suppose the way a parent must look at their child and sigh with pride. It is strange that this is the kindest letter I have ever written you, but I am so relieved we have finally made it this far.

I want you to really reflect on everything you have accomplished and carry it with you towards our next year. In this past year you have: left behind old ideas of how things “should be” and how people “should be”, quit smoking, exercise every day, eat healthy, you are actively conscious of your thoughts, actions, and reactions, and you are who you promised yourself you would strive to become. I am very proud you kept the promises you made to yourself.

There is always more to reach for and it's excting to see what the future will bring.
I would like to see you do the following things this year: complete a novel, submit a novel several times to publishers, spend more time connecting with family, practice helping others more then helping yourself, be genuinely happy for others and all of there successes, make positive choices, and always choose to be less critical and more kind.

I looked at pictures of you as a baby and was amazed at the reactions of those in the photo around you. All these people standing around in those pictures taking an active role in that tiny bodies new moments. These little slivers of souls blended into parts of you and radiate around you. It moves me how children in photographs are always so genuine – they haven’t yet learned to ‘pose’ for a picture. I stared at the picture of this little girl looking up at her father and I saw love of real emotions cascading out of nine-month-old eyes. I saw a photo of a two-year-old girl looking up at her mother’s twinkling eyes with a new profound sense of awe and I saw a beautiful promise of devotion. That is the kind of beauty I want us to continue to connect with every additional year of our life. The other “stuff” in life is just “stuff”– but love in the eyes of a child is a love with out condition or expectations. It just is.

If a fairy god-mother came down and told me I could change anything in our past- I would tell her I would change nothing at all. I am overwhelmingly thankful for everything and everyone that has come across my path. There is nothing I would change - Not even the tiniest of detail. Without all the beautiful blemishes in days past... I would not be me and that would just not do!

Most important thing this year I want to leave you with is: Remember - I am always unconditionally proud of you. Happy 29th Birthday! Do good things this year!



Marlene said...

A Birthday Letter to my Daughter:

This year has been a year of great change for you. I have watched you have challenges and I have seen you overcome them..with hard work and persistance..I have seen you hurt and confused and then pick yourself up with amazing strength and start anew. I have seen a new dedication and focus in everything you do that you did not show before..Like a part of you that had been sleeping waiting..finally was set free.!.. I have been amazed at you this year in everything you have accomplished.I am proud and happy ..but not surprised..because I always knew this is you..I always knew you to have tremendous strength and integrety and a wonderful spirit..a shiny Star..unlike any star I have ever seen..I am so proud to have been chosen to be your mother..that you came from have the best parts of me and your father..a wonderful special being that the world will be a better place just having you here. I Love you. Happy Bith Day! Mom

Ruby said...

I got on your site this morning while I was waiting for a large backup trash dump on my computer to finish, before I went onto my next chore, wanting to see if you had written anything about your 29th Birthday.

As I remember 29 was a watershed year in which I became conscious that I was no longer a ‘young’ woman, but a full fledged woman without any add-ons or take-aways. I loved your beautiful letter to yourself. It is such a wonderful idea. I write to Santa every year, but hadn’t thought of writing to myself on my birthday. Such a wise and valuable practice. I am certain you will do good things this year—you always do! That is how you have gotten to where you are.

After reading your letter to yourself I scrolled down and read your post on your gentle acceptance of being late for work and letting it flow off you like an unexpected rain or a sudden breeze that disrupts the flow momentarily but does no permanent harm.

And then I got to your post about me.
Thank you Marissa. I was so moved and pleased that I had tears trickling down my cheeks. I am so glad that I have played a part in helping you to grow and become the beautiful woman you are—this is what makes life truly worthwhile.

The water in the creek and Tipper are both back. I will write you soon.
Love and Hugs
Grandma Ruby

Marlene said...

Hello... are you still posting???? please stop by and check out my new post!!!