Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No More Butts

Dirty Laundry very rarely gets aired and if it does it is unlikely it is ones whose laundry it is. However, being the unconventional girl I am, I feel the necessity to admit the truth that I have been keeping hidden in the shadows. Perhaps many of you already knew and decided to stand back and wait for me to come clean. So here it is… My big ugly truth is: I was a smoker and now I’m a happy non smoker! But why did I hide it? I wasn’t proud of my addiction and I didn’t want to smoke anymore, but I had somehow convinced myself that I couldn’t quit. Everything I kept telling myself was committing me to lighting up again and again- Life was too hard, problems to stressful, tobacco addiction are too hard to quit, and my favorite excuse “I will soon”, but soon never came. I consider myself a very intelligent person, yet I knew what I was continuously doing was STUPID STUPID STUPID! I was afraid without the crutch - I couldn’t cope, but the more I smoked the more I worried I would get cancer and die. It was a vicious carnival ride that never stopped, but went around and around making me feeling more ashamed and sick. Surprise, the more embarrassed I felt the more I smoked. I read an amazing book by Allen Carr the Easyway to Quit Smoking. It questions and answers the psychology of smoking. It didn’t come equipped with any miracle drug, no substitutes (nicotine patches or gum), but by time I finished the book I had my very last cigarette that I will ever have! I suppose the simple message in the book wasn’t something I couldn’t figure out on my own, but it made me question and motivated me to take a closer look at what I allow myself to believe. Now, there is no more hiding, no more feeling guilty, and grossed out with my dirty little addiction. Finally, it’s no longer a part of me. Aside from hopefully avoiding many horrible diseases it contributes too - The most important thing about conquering this demon was the realization that I refuse to hand over power to anything in my life I do not want there!!!


gsm said...

If there's a heaven, the man that was my father is looking down at the granddaughter he never had the chance to know, because he never had the strength you're showing now, and he's beaming with pride.

(OK, ok, so yeah, there's a cigarette in his mouth, but the point is not the cigarette...damn it... it's the pride.


Marlene said...

YES!! YES!! what I have been praying to all the Gods for!!!