Monday, March 23, 2009

Taking a Ride on My Crazy Train

Back when I was a kid - I thought nothing would was worse then when I realized there was no Santa Claus. A tiny human realizes the world you knew is shattered and you wonder how much of what you were told was never really true at all – by the people you thought and would always believe would never lie to you. Over time you realize it was a “kind lie” the kind of lie that told across the nation for the fun and spirit of an American Tradition. Ever notice how it’s ok to lie for “Traditions” sake? I always find this kind of collective reasoning amusing.

What is worse then the Santa Claus realization is believing in a cause and a person who you once respected, admired, and thought of as a mentor. When the colors of a person change and the banner you use to wave in there defense seems heavy and humiliating... you are left with a vacant feeling. There is nothing worse then realizing everyone has an agenda and that at twenty-eight years old you just figured out what most figure out at the age of sixteen. When you feel like the last naïve person left and you realize the supporters you thought were behind you, left the show a long time ago.

Lately, I have been feeling like the guy on the side of the road that stands there all day with his cardboard sign with hand written letters that says: “Honk for Peace”. Only this peace loving Average Joe seems excited and eager for his message, and never notices he is standing on this little corner all alone – waving his message with a smile. Granted, for all I know he suffers from a mental illness and has a slew of people with him in his mind, but seeing him always makes me silently sad. Like him and I are both the same – wanting to believe in something extraordinary in a world that might only be capable of ordinary. Perhaps our delusions of unrealistic beliefs in humanity is a mental illness, maybe me and peace loving corner guy are just strange crazy eccentrics in a world full of self indulgent developmentally stilted adults.

If I am mentally challenged in my view of the world, then I guess I rather be hopeful and believe in what I thought I saw in those around me who wore a mask and offered a lie. I choose to take the crazy pill of kindness without agenda and without personal gain. This is my kind of crazy – and I just hope the world doesn’t “get to me” and somehow change my crazy into their idea of normal. I just have to believe – in the hope for extraordinary

No comments: